Features for the sake of features

I got a neat toy delivered today, courtesy of the folks at Dymo. Dymo, as you might realize, makes label makers — turn the knob, click the letter, repeat, then tear off your embossed sticky label. You’ve probably used one.

So why did Dymo see fit to send me one? Because it’s not just a label maker, it’s the Cool Clicks, “the world’s first talking labelmaker.”

There could be a reason no one else has made such a thing.

The Cool Clicks (and props to Dymo for not spelling it “Clickz”) is designed for kids and is supposed to be — seriously — educational. “Voice capability catapults Cool Clicks beyond labelling into fun learning.”

Hmm. Maybe fun for the kids, turning out label after expensive label to stick onto their siblings. While the kids are supposedly learning about letters, parents will undoubtedly be rushing around the house after hearing it chirp “D-O-O-D-Y” for the umpteenth time.

The thing is, Dymo makes great, useful products. Yeah, you can load stickers into your printer, or get one of those expensive Brother label makers, but embossed labels are quick and cheap and easy. There really isn’t anything that does what Ye Olde Label Makers do.

Unfortunately, these days resting on your laurels isn’t what makes stockholders happy, so companies have to find new ways to recreate and re-launch and feature-bloat their products. And we end up with talking label makers.