Looking ahead

I have to wonder if Pat Robertson can see the deep end in his rearview mirror, ’cause he’s driven well off it.

Get this: Today he declared that God told him storms will hit America’s coastline this year.

In other news, it will snow in Minnesota, and Phoenix will have days above 100 degrees.

The guy makes a dopey prediction like that and expects to be taken seriously? And you can bet that when storms do hit — as they have every single year for the past who knows how long — Robertson will take credit for having predicted it.

What a crock.

Wait… wait… hold on, I’m getting a message. Ooh, it’s from God. What’s that? OK, got it.

All right, folks, God just told me that as long as false, money-grubbing preachers — the ones who give the real people doing God’s work a bad name — spout off nonsense, there will be serious fluctuations in the stock market. The economy will not be stable until these people stop treating us like idiots. You heard it here first.

And let us not forget that Robertson has used his direct channel to God to make other dimwitted pronouncements — like Hurricane Katrina was God’s punishment for New Orleans not living life the way he demands it. Yet he remained suspiciously silent about the tornadoes in Tennessee earlier this year (they killed more than 30 people).

Hey, Pat, what did those folks do wrong? Not donate enough money to your cause?