USAT, WTF?

Published 12/31/07

How low can you go? I’ll tell you. On USA Today’s home page is a box titled “In memory: Lives we lost this year.” Whose picture is in it?

Anna Frakking Nicole Smith.

Anna Nicole Smith? That’s who they choose to represent who died in 2007? Are they out of their minds? Of all the people who died this year, the site features a porn star?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

You know who was more important than a former Playboy bunny?

Boris Yeltsin, Lady Bird Johnson, Kurt Vonnegut, Norman Mailer, Marcel Marceau, Luciano Pavarotti, Mr. Wizard, Evel Knievel, Merv Griffin, Don Ho, Liz Claiborne, and Joey Bishop.

You know who else was more important than that (literally) self-inflated whore? Yvonne De Carlo (who played Lily Munster), Jerry Falwell (who preached hatred and intolerance to millions), Vincent DeDomenico (the inventor of Rice-A-Roni) and Mr. Frakking Whipple.

Someone over at USAT needs to gain just a teeny bit of godsdamn perspective. Sheesh.

* * *

Addendum: I held out a teeny bit of hope that the photo on the home page rotated through the list of those who died, but nope. It’s all Anna.

The Fray

7 responses (add yours)

John says:

Andrew, you disappoint me! As a guy who works in the media, I figured you would ‘get’ it…sex and violence sells! Go click on the ‘Most Popular’ link at Google News. Give the sheeple what they want!

December 31st, 2007 at 10:01 AM

Gnomic says:

She’s not really dead. She and Elvis are shacked up together.

December 31st, 2007 at 10:38 AM

Randy says:

I saw that same link, Andrew, and hoped the same as you that it would at least rotate images. I could not believe she was chosen to represent all the people we will actually miss.

December 31st, 2007 at 12:08 PM

greyrat says:

It’s OK Andrew. I mean, it’s not like any sane person reads any of those rags anymo — oh, wait…

December 31st, 2007 at 4:47 PM

Richard says:

It’s a little-known fact that Mr. Whipple (for appropriate compensation, of course) supplied the tissue paper for Anna Nicole Smith’s bra until she could spring for real plastic. So your greater-than diagram is on target.

Another (somewhat) little-known fact: Adam Savage of “Mythbusters” (Discovery Channel) used to be in those Charmin commercials with Mr. Whipple. And I recall a “Mythbusters” segment testing whether breast implants would explode in an airplane cabin if the pressure dropped.

By the way, thanks, Andrew, for the edifying list of people who “crossed over” in 2007. (While I’m on that subject, I wish that Jerry Falwell had taken John Edward with him.)

Two questions, though: Does anyone know whether Marcel Marceau had any last words? And does anyone know whether Evel Knieval ever jumped Anna Nicole Smith?

Funny how things tie together. See, Gnomic, there is a god.

December 31st, 2007 at 6:34 PM

Valerie says:

Andrew, do you have a list of people who have actually contributed to humanity who have died in 2007? Ahhh, Mr. Whipple, I remember him fondly. Did Don Knotts die in 2007?

From The New York Times - Notable 2007 Deaths: Norman Mailer, Luciano Pavarotti, Ingmar Bergman, Liz Claiborne, Beverly Sills, Oscar Peterson, Boris Yeltsin, Lady Bird Johnson: They were just some of the notable figures of our time who passed from the scene in 2007. The Times here remembers them and others in a slide show and a month-by-month list with links to each of their obituaries.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/27/obituaries/notable-obits-2007.html

January 1st, 2008 at 1:33 PM