Security as theater
No, I don’t mean “security theater” (doing things that look like they make us safer but really don’t). I mean security as theater.
In this case, it was the History Channel and its program “Cities of the Underworld,” in which host Don Wildman tours what’s underneath various, er, cities. In this episode, it was Washington, D.C.
Boy did he lay the whole “security” thing on thick as he talked about and showed us the underground sewers and other tunnels beneath Washington, “one of the most secured cities in the world.” Many shots of cops and Secret Service people, helicopters, etc.
And it was so incredibly, undeniably obviously a load of crap.
The sewer system goes beneath a lot of government buildings, Wildman explained, and thus it’s heavily guarded. (Makes sense.) In fact, he said, the location of the entrance to the sewers that he used was classified after 9/11.
1. You can’t classify a location after it’s been revealed. Think about it.
2. Even if you somehow could, that statement implies that all the sewer workers in D.C. are cleared to know classified info. I have doubts. More likely the correct statement is, “D.C. authorities don’t like to reveal the location of the entrance,” but that doesn’t sound as cool.
3. Wildman and his crew are shown outside this “classified” manhole, with the camera giving a clear view of the building behind him (which was definitely distinctive) as well as up and down the street. Anyone who wanted to know the location of the secret entrance would need to do about 10 minutes of work.
Going on about this secret network of tunnels, the good producers at the History Channel provide a very nice animation showing a map of the tunnels with a diagram of the city superimposed on it. It’s hard to take someone seriously when he talks about how secret something is and then draws you a map.
But my favorite moment of hyperbole came as they walked in the sewers. One sewer, Wildman explains, goes “under the Capitol and several other government buildings the names of which cannot be disclosed.”
And then they show us a map of said tunnel.
I actually snorted at this point. “Shhhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone the names of these buildings.”
“But, Don, they can just look at any map…”
“No! They can’t! The names of the buildings on this street are secret!”
Someone should probably tell the people at the Map Network, who provide this useful terrorist tool:
It shows the FBI building, Department of Commerce building, General Services Administration, International Monetary Fund, World Bank, Federal Reserve… you get the idea.
Maps not good enough? Heck, zoom in with Microsoft’s better-than-Google mapping tool and get a good look at, say, the State Department (click to enlarge, of course):
Let’s see, from the size of each satellite dish we can determine the wavelength, and it’s easy enough to see the direction and angle they’re pointing…
Anyway, while I’m sure the sewers and tunnels beneath Washington are closely guarded — well, guarded — trying to make the whole thing sound cloak and dagger is just embarrassing.
Admiral says:
There is no method of security that cannot be circumvented. If you encourage the thought that TV programs and the internet enable terroism then you have already lost.
“Oh no, there is a map on the internet! Now the terrorist can find my home and blow it up!!”
This is fear. This is what terrorists want. If you hold these beliefs then they have already won.
The better way to approach it is to understand that if a terrorist wants to attack then they will find a way no matter what. Live your life. Terrorists don’t attack individuals unless you blatantly and openly do something they consider an attack on them. So release your anus and live happy. :-)