(Via Awful Library Books.)

“Not a day goes by when I don’t ache,” says Ruth Madoff.

Funny, I bet that’s the same thing her husband’s going to be saying, although for entirely different reasons. [ba-dum-BUM]

I love Craigslist… most of the time. You can find some great stuff — jobs, toys, gizmos, homes. Still, sometimes job searches turn up, shall we say, some sub-optimal offers. Take, for example, this one my wife found:

Modle wanted
Reply to: job-tqewr-1233977690@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-06-22, 1:29PM

I am looking for a white wome 28-33 yrs old that would smoke toppless for some privette modling

    * Location: west end
    * Compensation: 200HR
    * This is a part-time job.
    * Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
    * Please, no phone calls about this job!
    * Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Original URL:http://richmond.craigslist.org/etc/1233977690.html

So my wife decided it was time to get rid of the seven-year-old wedding dress (it’s not like she’s going to be using it again), and thus posted an ad on Freecycle offering it to anyone who would actually use it. (A lot of Freecycle folks, we learned, will ask for just about anything that’s posted.)

Here’s one reply she got:

If you are not able to find a taker for your intended use, I would love to have this for my female playmate to use during our role play sessions. She is a petite size 6 or so, but anything close will do as the size is not all that important…. I can promise you it will get more than one use! Thanks for offering to the group!

You know, he could have said, “I’d like it for a theater group I’m in” or made up another story. A definite case of TMI.

Wait… so should I use caution?

Angela, wherever you are — you know you want one.

In a newsletter sent home to parents on Wednesday, Ramco Primary School in South Australia advised it would hold a “disability day” and fundraiser on Friday, May 29, with prizes for the “best students dressed as a person with a disability”.

[snip]

Its newsletter stated: “There will be prizes for the best students dressed as a person with a disability. Get your thinking hats on and see what disability you can represent!”

Link.

Here is the description of the 2009 TV miniseries “Meteor: Path to Destruction.”

It is not, apparently, an April Fools joke.

At what point did incredulity set in for you?

When an unparalleled series of meteorites plummet to Earth, a scientist (Christopher Lloyd) and his assistant (Marla Sokoloff) race against time to provide vital information to Dr. Chetwyn (Jason Alexander), the only one who has the power to prevent the impending destruction. Amidst the chaos, Detective Jack Crowe (Billy Campbell) desperately searches for his psychotic ex-partner Stark before the madman seeks revenge against his father Police Chief Crowe (Stacy Keach) who is dealing with subsiding the panic in his small town as the meteor storm continues.

Was it at Christopher Lloyd as the scientist? Or Jason Alexander as the other scientist? Or did you make it through to “psychotic ex-partner”?

Someone paid for this movie to be made.

Normally Fark’s Photoshop threads have a few great entries near the top, but rapidly degrade (along with the submitters’ Photoshop skillz).

This time, though, the goodness lasts much longer. “Classic artwork turned into advertisements”:

If I were to tell you that Sid and Marty Krofft were creating a feature-film version of Land of the Lost starring Will Ferrell, what would you say?

Perhaps “Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh”?

From Inman News:

Meanwhile, Anthony J. Longo Jr., founder and CEO and broker of record for CondoDomain.com, has characterized the lawsuit as an “unreasonable action” with “zero basis” by a “traditional brokerage” with “deep pockets” against a “discount broker” with “limited funds.”

We were told in Reporter School (i.e., the newspaper) to avoid using partial sentences as quotes if it could be helped. This would be a no-no:

Smith agreed that the contract gave him “an easy way to find customers.”

Someone at Inman “may have been” out sick that day.

(You gotta wonder what happened in the company owner’s office in the minutes before he put up this sign.)

OK, I like the guy too, but this might be going a bit too far.

Gosh, we didn’t have this when I was a kid. (NSFW)

Why settle for cremating a loved one and losing the ashes forever — either sprinkled on some lake or stuck on the mantle? Instead, have them turned into a beautiful set of 240 pencils.

“Show the teacher the note, Jimmy, but please bring it back. It’s got some of your Uncle Steve on it.”

(H/T to Dorene.)

November 13, 2008, 8:28 AM, BoingBoing headline: “Sixth severed foot found in British Columbia.”

November 13, 2008, 9:06 AM, BoingBoing headline: “Seventh human foot found in Pacific Northwest.”